I have typed this post a hundred times just to delete it. I still feel unsure about blogging about it since I have been so reluctant and haven't been ready to share with everyone before but now I think it is something I need for me to help me deal with it in my own way. Talking and venting my thoughts.
Many women grow up dreaming of becoming a mother and feeling her baby inside her tummy, I mean it is the one thing a women was blessed with the ability to do. No one tells you how difficult it is to make a baby though. This isn't something I have shared with a lot of people because it's not really something you want broadcasted or talked about but it is becoming something that is more and more frequent in women around us and it is truly heart breaking to me.
Trevor and I had talked about kids before we got married and we knew we wanted the boys to have more brothers/sisters and we wanted them to be close in age with the boys. It has always been in the back of my mind because of genetics but I tried to always have hope. We decided to start trying early on & I talked to my doctor about possibilities, ran some tests and ultrasounds, because of a history with cysts. I lost hope pretty fast and became devastated when the doctor confirmed that I had PCOS. Basically that means I don't ovulate or have regular periods, have ovarian cysts and your body does not process carbohydrates properly and you are over sensitive to insulin.
We have done three rounds of Clomid so far with no luck so we will be starting the fourth round soon. I know a little bit about infertility and asked my doctor about another medication that helps some women so this time my doctor wants me to add another medicine called Metformin. Fingers crossed. By the way, I have the best doctor, anyone that is in the Logan area I highly recommend Dr. Erica Smith. She is awesome.
The process is physically demanding, emotionally draining and a roller coaster. Poor Trevor and anyone that has to be around me, I am one mean and grumpy girl. You get excited thinking maybe this time then get crushed with negative ovulation tests which obviously leads to negative pregnancy tests. The thing I find most frustrating is that we don't know if it will even happen this month or if it's just a trial run to see if the dose or medicine is strong enough.
Again, I'm not trying for sympathy or pity that is the exact opposite of what I want, just want to journal and vent my emotions. Many people have tried for much longer than we have and I truly look up to those couples because they are so much stronger than I am. Simply amazing people. It's not a lie when they say it is rough on the couple, it has been a rough trial for this newly wed couple but I was blessed with the most amazing guy to go through it with. He is seriously the sweetest and always keeps hope and stays positive when I'm feeling down and encourages me that things will work out when and how they are suppose to. Love you babe!
When the times are right I will share more and update as we go through this journey. Thank you everyone for the love and support so far!
This picture is perfect, me wondering how I got so dang lucky to have him by my side forever and always.
XOXO
Emily
