Guilt -- 25 & 26 weeks

Since the moment I found out I was pregnant I have felt mixed emotions. Most of you are probably very confused right now. Maybe other expecting moms that have gone through infertility or even ones that haven't, have experienced this a little but yes I am over flowing with excitement and joy, but after going through fertility I also feel guilty. I have watched many people go through fertility treatment for much much longer than we went through it and at times I feel guilty that it only took us just over a year. Is this normal? I'm not sure. Lately I have felt very self conscious about my body changing and becoming bigger and I feel horrible even thinking that and get mad at myself because of this guilt. I know how bad it hurts to want so badly the chance to carry a baby and be a mommy. I also feel very guilty and worried about others feelings and thoughts when I post baby updates. I know how it stings when you want it to be you and you have to sit and watch others and see daily posts. I have now been on both sides of this. Please tell me someone else can relate to this?  Just some of my nightly thoughts I wanted to share. 

How far along: I just turned 27 weeks yesterday but we will catch up week 25 and 26 on this post! 

Baby: Baby boy at 25 weeks is about the size of a cabbage 14 inches long and close to two lbs.     26 weeks is about the size of a butternut squash and just over 14 inches and little over two lbs. 

Momma: Slightly self conscious. I know that is selfish to say and don't get me wrong I am beyond blessed to have this sweet babe in my belly but it's a big chance on a women's baby and a little hard watching yourself get bigger even knowing it's a miracle growing inside me.

 

Maternity clothes: Yes. I have ended up with a couple maternity shirts because they are the only ones I feel comfortable in but my favorite purchase has been just jeans/jeggings from Old Navy. They are in the normal women section but have no zipper and a stretchy waist but look like normal skinny jeans. They are amazing! Preggo friends I highly recommend checking out Old Navy for cheap comfortable clothes they are my new favorite place to shop. 

Sleep: I finally bought a body pillow and it was the best purchase. I have slept so much better since we got it. Trevor might not agree though haha! 

Best moment this week: Feeling little man get bigger and squirm around all the time. 

Miss anything: Not having heart burn. 

Food cravings: Mozzarella sticks and ice cream. Now I'm really going to start gaining the weight. 

Anything make you queasy or sick: Depends on the day and I have to eat small snacks throughout the day and before bed or I'm guaranteed to be sick the next morning. 

Gender: BOY! 

Movement: Yes he moves like crazy! 

Labor signs: None. 

Symptoms: Nausea. Heartburn. I haven't been throwing up near like I use to but once or twice a week I'll have a bad day where I still throw up in the mornings. 

Nursery: We finally got his room painted so it's ready to start putting together! YAY!! 

Looking forward to: Getting everything like his nursery put together and organized. I've had my car seat picked out for a while now and stopped at Target and Babies R Us on our way home from St George last weekend and it just happened to be on sale so we bought that and looked at cribs since I've been struggling to pick what style I liked best. We finally decided the other day and ordered one from Kohls online and it came in TWO days!! 

I've been horrible about taking pictures and I know I'm going to regret it because this is when I'm really growing and changing in size every day I feel like.

XOXO,

Emily

24 Weeks

This week I had my ultrasound to double check little mans kidneys. Back track a little, at my 20 week ultrasound they noticed he had fluid in his kidneys. They said it wasn't a huge deal but wanted to do another ultrasound in a month to see if it was gone like it should be. This week when we did the ultrasound he had about .49 so more than the last time. The doctor explained it to me as yes he has more fluid then 4 weeks ago but he is also bigger now so he has more room for that fluid to build up. She said that it typically goes away and where it hasn't she wanted me to see the high risk specialist (That's always a scary term for a mom to hear!) and get another ultrasound done and have them double check and get their opinion. This is just one reason I love my doctor but she was very reassuring that it wasn't a big concerning thing and it was nothing I could have done or should be doing different. It could be caused by a couple different things and that's why she wants the people who specialize in ultrasounds to really look at it and maybe by then it will be gone and we won't have to worry or they will know a little more about it and confirm its nothing to worry about. It could be caused by him being a stubborn little boy and not wanting to go pee or stretching a little further it could be his little insides are just working backwards and instead of draining out it's draining into his kidneys. After he is born we will make our pediatrician aware that we were monitoring this and watch him for UTI's. (I always thought this was something more frequent in little girls but apparently it's very common in boys and shows during a lot of pregnancies with boys.) If he has them frequently then we will look into more what could be going on and watch for kidney infections. It could be a lot worse and I'm grateful this is the only thing we have had to watch during the pregnancy but no momma ever wants to hear something could potentially hurt or be even a little wrong with your child. Up side to this we have gotten to see little man about every 4 weeks and I love watching him change and grow! This next ultrasound will be our 5th one so far! 

Now an overlook of our week.  

How far along: 24 weeks! 

Baby: Baby boy is about the size of a garden eggplant, about 13 inches long and at my ultrasound this week weighs 1lb 8oz!! 

Momma: Uncomfortable. Yes I know it's just going to get worse, I am aware of this but for now I'm going to say I'm uncomfortable. I feel like I all the sudden popped and I look and actually feel pregnant not just chubby now. So yes it's a little uncomfortable getting use to my body changing. 

Maternity clothes: Nope just like baggy clothes.

Sleep: Lavender baths and diffusing lavender helps. I need to go buy a body pillow just haven't yet. 

Best moment this week: Seeing my cute baby boy at my ultrasound! 

Miss anything: Not really. 

Food cravings: I wouldn't really call it a craving but I do love me some mozzarella sticks from Arby's!  

Anything make you queasy or sick: Depends on the day and I have to eat small snacks throughout the day or feel sick. 

Gender: BOY! 

Movement: Yes he moves like crazy! 

Labor signs: None. 

Symptoms: Nausea. Round ligament pain. 

Nursery: His room is the only room in the house we haven't painted since moving in so we will hopefully paint that this weekend! My OCD and "nesting" is causing me anxiety already and I just want to get started on it! 

Looking forward to: Hitting the third trimester! At my appointment this week they gave me the paper for "what you can expect" between 26-36 weeks and I about panicked! It feels like first half of this pregnancy has flown by!

He scowls like his father already that's for sure and he is also a little camera shy and would roll over and hide his face from us this time!! 

I now have a belly and I feel like he has finally moved up a little bit and I don't look so awkward and low. 

XOXO,

Emily